Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Best and Worst

Nearing the end of my pregnancy and sharing what will be and will not be missed…..

Best

Having my little sweets come up to my belly, rub it and kiss his little brother. One of the things I worry most about and which instantly brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it is the thought of Sebastian feeling like he has been replaced or that he will be loved any less with the arrival of his new brother. I still lay with him to fall asleep at night and after we read bedtime stories and do a little prayer, I try to remind him that he was wanted by Mama and Daddy so very much and that we are so grateful that God gave him to us when he did. I tell him that he was my first baby and that he will always be that. Nothing changes it. I know bringing home a new baby will be an adjustment for him and I just pray that we do a good job at multiplying all the love and making both boys feel loved equally.

Movements at first are awkward because you don’t quite get what you’re feeling. Is this gas or a kick? And after almost 6 years, you forget. But once you know you know. I started feeling the stronger movements at around 21 weeks. Little Benj moves most when I am lying down late at night or early in the morning. I feel little punch like movements or something that feels like a crawling sensation. He also hiccups from time to time – those feel like little synchronized flutters. Now that he is running out of room, I can actually see my belly move when he does. Its pretty wild! I want more babies and I wish I had savored this pregnancy more in case it is my last. On one hand, I will miss him being tucked safe inside me always letting me know he is ok, but I am also ready to meet this little guy.

Reflection during pregnancy after infertility is one thing that has been easy for me. I thought my second round with infertility would be easier and never at any point could I say it was. But in retrospect, I believe God had a plan for my family even though I fought it and didn’t seem to understand it. He knew the path I needed to take in order to get to my boys. I am so blessed. I am blessed with a husband who stood by and loved me unconditionally even when it was hard. And a sweet boy who constantly and unintentailly reminded me why it was all worth it. I now will never take for granted the gift of motherhood.

 

Worst

Having no control over my bladder. Seriously, I never used to sneeze until I was pregnant.

Not being able to think, respond, and speak coherently i.e pregnancy brain it’s a real thing. My life is covered in sticky notes!

Crazy weird dreams almost every night. I won’t even try and interpret them.

Emotional Mom as described by a five year old: “Frustrating” Mom, “Where is your Sweet Voice” Mom, “Whiny Baby” Mom  and “Cry Baby” Mom.

 

The good, the bad, the ugly – I’ll take it any day just to hear them call me Mama.

 

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